02 May 2011

The Original Hipsters

This made me laugh today, Dads are the Original Hipsters

Your dad ate local fair trade produce before you did and he has dirt under his finger nails to prove it. Your dad had a green thumb and leather tanned neck. He worked in the garden and grew his own food, not because he had to, but because he wanted to. So hipsters, next time you’re asking the waitress if the tomatoes in your salad were ethically grown, locally produced, fair trade, sustainable and if the workers were given a livable wage, remember this…
Your dad was the leader of the eating local trend, he contributed to society and you’re just a giant succubus at the teat of it, who contributes nothing, but feels the need to bitch about everything…
and to conclude this conclusion, grow up hipsters, grow a pair and add something to culture other than shitty art and bad music.


"Your dad ate local fair trade produce before you did and he has dirt under his finger nails to prove it."


Your dad went to dance parties before you did. Long before you were grinding up against some poor hipster girl wearing an American Apparel jazz jumper at a Steve Aoki concert, your dad was showing honey dips his hip swivels. Every move you make, including that slightly hunched arm dangle seizure shake you do, he did first. The only person with more patents on originality is Thomas Edison. 

So hipsters, next time you’re rocking a tank, poppin’ some molly and headed out for the night, remember this…

your dad was the original dancing machine.

P.S. - Take a fucking shower already, you sweat when you dance and I don’t want to have to smell you the next day when I’m trying to enjoy brunch.


"Your dad went to dance parties before you did. Long before you were grinding up against some poor hipster girl wearing an American Apparel jazz jumper at a Steve Aoki concert, your dad was showing honey dips his hip swivels"


Your dad had a mustache before you did. He rocked one the bitching-est lip sweaters on his block. It’s why your mom put out in the back of his El Camino and why her friend Becky wished they would break up. He was awesome and his mustache was original. So next time Movember rolls around, maybe you should stop dousing your pathetic pubic stache in Rogain and call up dad for some lip scarf growing advice.


"Your dad had a mustache before you did. He rocked one the bitching-est lip sweaters on his block."

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